"An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."
"Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do?Turn out the lights!"
"I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier."
"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
"Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half."
"There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side."
"Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you're finished. "
"Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."
"Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. "
"We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt then things get worse."
"It's always darkest before dawn So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. "
"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get
up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office"
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
"If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?"
"You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? "
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
"Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do?Turn out the lights!"
"I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier."
"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
"Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak."
"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half."
"There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side."
"Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you're finished. "
"Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."
"Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. "
"We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt then things get worse."
"It's always darkest before dawn So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. "
"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get
up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office"
"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
"If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?"
"You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark? "
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."